Why?

Why do we have to choose when all the options are relevant, same and differ only by the mean of the principle. I really hate to choose.
We were given
§ option 1 : die, but in a short way : death sentence
§ option 2 : die, but in a long way : life sentence and no parole or whatsoever
How we are going to deal with it? Is it to live shortly or to enjoy life while u can but knowing so many things to face? There should be a good certainty but there are always risks ahead.
I choose to believe that life isn’t easy but sometimes it will be much easier if we take the risk and just go with it. You will be happy with what u has done. But are u really happy? Or..u just pretending to be happy while inside it whisper something else. Something really-really annoying. Maybe a little but of disappointment? Or maybe a little bit of worry? That’s depending on personal judgment. U thinks, u decides and u does it. No one else will do but u.

A nightmare and A Hospital

i always had a feeling that hospital is the most scariest place on earth. Doctor, nurse with needles, the so-called bedtime ghost stories about people died while doing operation and also dead due to crime or accident. oh, tak lupa juga, the so-not-comfortable bed yang akan membuatkan kita sakit-sakit badan dan rasa 'lumpuh separuh badan' selepas keluar dari hospital.

but then, it was only a thought. aku yang tak pernah masuk hospital sebelum ni, akhirnya masuk hospital kerana disahkan mengalami Meniere's Disease. Dua kali masuk hospital, aku ubah fikiran. siapa kata jururawat yang pegang jarum suntikan tu garang-garang semuanya. siapa kata hospital tempat jin bertendang? itu tempat orang sakit lah..

thanks very much for those who treated me well, even my sickness is not improving 100% but they all have done their job very well to make sure the patient have a good time at the hospital. makanan tak sedap takper..katil tak empuk tak apa.tapi, layanan bagus itulah yang paling penting untuk menjalin ikatan silaturrahim antara manusia.

jadi bila anak-anak kita dibawa ke hospital untuk lawatan mahupun rawatan, janganlah kita bagi kepada mereka sebuah ingatan seolah-olah hospital itu tempat yang paling menakutkan untuk mereka berada.

Shopaholic wannabe..Me? No way..

Mak selalu cakap macam ni pada aku bila bab ber'shopping'. Kalau ada yang seringgit, bolehlah beli. Kalau tak, maknanya tak perlu sangatlah barang tu. Mak lebih tahu segalanya berbanding kita yang baru je 20-30 tahun hidup kat dunia.
But..there is one day when i did say.. great!
I have a credit card. the limit was &%^$#$@ thousand. Dalam erti kata lain, gembira, confused and mixed up.

Dalam hati, my god..what am i going to do with this huge amount. Oh ya, masa tu aku tak kenal pun siapa Sophie Kinsella or Becky Bloomwood. Aku mula merancang. Macam-macam ada dalam kepala otak ni. Dalam masa yang sama jugak, i'm trying my best to prioritized the most important thing for myself. Rancang punya rancang, akhirnya idea itu keluar dengan sendirinya. I'm going to buy myself a laptop. Senang sikit untuk pergi kemana-mana. Tak payah lagi nak pergi cc atau internet cafe ataupun nak pergi rumah abang yang duduk flat tingkat 3. Lebih senang jugak sebab, adik aku pun tak payah nak bagi alasan untuk keluar rumah tanpa sebab. Yelah memandangkan dia selalu bagi alasan nak keluar sebab ada kerja rumah nak kena print and daaa..sebenarnya nak pergi merewang.

So, finally i have a Compaq laptop for 2k. I was so proud now and then to consider myself like anybody else. I can bring my laptop wherever i go. And the rest of the credit limit, i thought i will keep it in my purse and use it only when i'm in desperate.

Tapi, sebenarnya godaan duit takkan berhenti setakat itu. Pendekkan cerita, tanpa sedar, aku dah habiskan hampir 90% of the credit limit. Bila aku ingat balik, aku sendiri pun tak tahu apa yang aku beli. Nak check balik resit, aku bukan jenis yang akan simpan resit. Aku dah buang semuanya. Yang aku simpan, sales draft dan juga bil hutang kredit kad. Kadang-kadang menung bila duduk sendiri kat rumah. Tengok apa yang aku dah beli. Laptop, katil, meja makan, oven dan ada sikit baju-baju yang akhirnya aku tak pernah pakai. Selainnya, aku habiskan untuk barang dapur yang separuh daripadanya tak patut pun ada dalam 'list' penting. Ya Allah, dalam sedar aku sebenarnya boros jugak. Sebenarnya, bukan 'jugak' lagi, tapi memang boros sangat.

Selepas enam bulan, aku diperkenalkan dengan novel english, aku pun tak ingat apa buku pertama yang aku beli. Tapi, masih guna kad kredit. Cuma yang aku tahu, satu daripadanya, Confession of the Shopaholic. And guess what, the reason why they did a novel is to show the lesson behind the story. I must admit, that book was so hillarious but above all, Becky Bloomwood representing most of us. She lost her way when it comes to shopping. Shopping..Shopping..and shopping..

Aku tersedar sendiri. Baca buku tu buat aku terfikir, kalaulah dari mula aku buat perancangan betul-betul, dan mungkin jugak ikut apa yang mak aku cakap, mesti aku takkan hadapi 'kena' bayar hutang yang banyak. Tak ada sapa yang akan bantu aku untuk bayar hutang sebanyak itu. Mungkin tak banyak banyak bagi orang lain tapi, pada aku dah cukup membebankan.

Islam dah mengaturkan cara hidup sederhana. Berbelanja biar berpatutan. Yang mana penting didulukan, yang tak penting tu kita fikir-fikirkan. Tapi, kadang-kadang kita yang selalu terlupa. Berbelanja sakan takkan bawa kita kemana-mana. What's the use of wearing Issey Miyake or CK perfume...if...at the end when it is empty, you will just throw the bottle away. Jadi, macam mana sekarang? Economy downturn, jobless everywhere and debt's always knocking to remind me and making me to have a headache all the time. So, the truth is life isnt easy when u make a mistake and u cannot pretend there's a miracle to settle it all.

So, sekarang ni terdiamlah aku memikirkan rancangan seterusnya. By hook or by crook, life still goes on and..you'll have to pay the full payment, or at least minimum payment according to the statement..Gosh!!